Night Night, Moonlight

My Lost Generation - Part 1

2006-08-26T23:48:59Z

These are the fighting days.
These are the fucking days.
These are the all or nothing days.

One year shy of two decades on this Earth and what to show but a few pieces of paper demonstrating how ably I can think. Showcases of my ability to remember. I didn't LEARN Pythagoras Theory. I didn't LEARN photosynthesis. I remembered it. Three whole years since "the most important exams of my life" and all I can recall is how claustraphobic the room felt. The examiner was merely a mound of blubber, repulsively rithing in her chair as if the very act of sitting there and talking was a triumph of her character. I remember distinctly how she'd opened her mouth to talk and then stopped, looking down at the table,

"Ooo... I just squirted a little bit of saliva on the table."

She smiled. Were we meant to laugh? There was little to find amusing in how this one person could be so repulsive. Did she expect a fucking medal? God, I just wanted to kill her. Put her out of her fucking misery. Is that healthy? Not the death aspect - obviously death isn't healthy, it involves you no longer living, and that's unhealthy. Those thoughts, I mean. Well, I don't care, actually. What use is thinking about thinking about them. I thought them, and that makes me whoever, or whatever, it is that I am. Psychology is just a practise for people too scared to be crazy. Instead they settle for studying the crazies.

Was that a tangent? I do those a lot. You'll have to excuse me. I have writer's A.D.D. It involves me cramming about 17 factors into one paragraph and not making a single point.

19 years and nothing but dreams. And here I am. I'm still here. I'm not living abroad. I haven't won an Oscar. Grandeous dreams of fame and fortune; what the fuck was I thinking? Young and naive, sure. But, I still think these things. Nothing has changed. Nothing at all. This is my comfort zone: this town I know, this house I know, these people I know. I want more, but am I willing to get it? I blame our accelerated culture for my lack of desire. I live in a world where nothing is worth waiting for. A world of next-day delivery, speed dial, and e-mail. A world that doesn't wait for me. Yeah, that's it. It's everyone's fault but mine, and society is to blame.

How dare the internet brainwash me with its instant gratification. All these sites and their express solutions to life. I don't even have to go outside to meet people. I can social-network. Instant friends with instant trends. It's their fault. It's not my fault. iPod, X-Box, MySpace, Hotmail, MyMail, MyBox, X-Mail, iSpace, HotBox... The culprits. All of them!

mundane circus

2006-08-06T19:31:22Z

Ow, my head hurts.

Another day of mediocrity and I've forgotten how to think properly. All that's on my mind is clear space, and the occasional sexual impulse which creeps its way in to the masculine thought process. There's nothing up here. Nothing worth thinking about, at least. I keep trying to motivate myself; half-convincing myself I have a purpose to fulfil,
"Write a book. You enjoy writing, make a start on a story. Go on! It'll be good!" I knew there was a reason I didn't listen to that little voice in my head! Best to block it out. Yeah, blocking it works. Why would I wanna start a book? I'd get 10 pages in and lose every desire I started with to finish the fucking thing. It's no wonder I don't hear myself think. My brain is two-thirds retarded for the most part and that one-third I actually CAN regard functional spends more time analyzing how big a waste of time it would be to make something of myself than it does applying itself to meaningful/useful/cool things.

I'm gonna lean head-first against the wall. Mmm, cool walls don't require a thought process. This is living.

Bright Saturday Night Lights

2006-07-17T08:29:09Z

Oooo... Busy weekend for Lou. Saturday was pretty much the epitome of this. What happened? Well by-golly I'm going to tell you, gosh darn it...

On Saturday me and two friends were filming in Hitchin at the Rhythm Life festival for a site called BluntBeats.com. We had to interview about 44365445 people about how long they'd been visiting the festival and why they liked it. It were a long and hot day, but we met a lot of interesting characters. Plus we got to wear yellow reflective waistcoat-things which made everyone treat us like royalty. We felt so official and everything. Once you don the yellow jacket of the festival you're pretty much free to go and do as you please. I could have killed a person and gotten away with it wearing one of those, but I resisted the urge. I didn't want to abuse my power.

We finished up in Hitchin around 5pm and headed back home, but NOT before making a stop off at... TOYS'R'US!!!11 Toys are such a load of shit nowadays. Toys were better when I was a child. Much better value for money. Apparently Action-Man is no longer fully poseable. He's just this shitty lump of plastic now. That was WHACK! I played on this Brain Game thing on the Nintendo DS. Apparently my brain age is in its 80s (?) I couldn't work out whether or not that was meant to be a good or bad thing. Maybe it was trying to tell me,
"You have alzheimer's disease. PLEASE see a doctor immediately!" But I can hardly take all the credit for being mentally retarded since the touch screen on the DS was REALLY unresponsive. I would write a 5 down and it would thing I wrote a 74. Fucking stupid game trying to make me look silly in front of small children!

One interesting thing I found in Toys'R'Us...

Trump: THE GAME!!111 And it was on SALE!!111 I wonder why the kids aren't snapping it up...

After this delightful pit-stop we headed into the town centre to visit the Sub Club for some rock and roll musical acts. We were far too early, though, and we waited around outside. A (presumably) drunk, old man was walking in our direction; I saw him from a distance and he seemed to be managing the walking fine. But then as soon as he became parallel with us and tried to step off the curb he fell, face first, right down into the road. It was terrible. He literally didn't have the reaction to break his fall with his arms so he just planted himself, face-first into the tarmac. We tried to help him back up but he was absolutely out of it (despite insisting "I'muhkay! I'muhkayizzzzfine!") and once we got him out and let him try and walk he walked forward a few steps, then stumbled sideways in an arc and fella backwards, head-first onto the curb. I fucking cringed because you could just hear the thud. He just lay there, still, insisting he was okay. We phoned an ambulance and a paramedic came to sort the guy out. It was insane the punishment the guy had taken from both falls, especially for an old guy. There was an odd poetry to the way he was laying on the ground, patting his forehead, and looking at the blood on his hands as if he was completely surprised to find he'd been injured. It was like watching a baby try and connect the dots in its brain.

Anyway, we went to our rock show. Which was surprisingly impressive. There was a great band playing called Garrett; they were the best of the night. You should check them out.

And that was my Saturday. Here are some pictures for you from the end of the evening:

This is the other Louis (Loo-isss). He's not drunk. He really isn't. Just bad at walking.

And some cool pictures we took with the night mode function on my humble digital camera:

More available HERE

Air is Far: Part 2

2006-07-10T08:19:39Z

Okay. So. A long time since the last post, like, 14 years or some shit like that. Anyway, I went for that job interview, and boy was it interesting. Funny thing is, I didn't even get interviewed. Apparently that's the third, and final stage of the interview process. I attended the first stage on Friday. It was a test. Here's my vague recollection of one of the questions:

if you were a team leader, and you had to send 20 of your staff off to [x] [y] and [z] courses. what percentages of the staff should take [y] and how many sessions of this course would be cost effective in comparison to sending them to the [x] or [z] course?

Let's bare in mind that the position I thought I was applying for was "part-time sales assitant," because as soon as I read these questions on this test, I was thinking to myself... "Wait a minute, am I at the right job interview?" The strange part is, however, that I don't THINK I did that bad. So whatever the hell it was I did end up applying for, I THINK I might be in with a shot. We'll find out soon when they send me my test results. I'm trying not to get my hopes up though, because I truly was dumbfounded when I saw the questions on the test. And whenever I've been sure about a test in the past I've always gotten shitty results, so I'd prefer not to jinx myself this time around.

I'll be sure to update you on the progress of this situation as and when updates become available. That's if you even care. But then again, I don't really care because I will anyway. So, you know, you can choose to read it or not read it, it's really up to you!

A Room Without a View

2006-07-06T17:58:12Z

I watched Tape yesterday by Richard Linklater - fucking awesome!

It stars Ethan Hawkes, Uma Thurman, and Robert Sean Leonard, and it takes place entirely within one hotel room. Before I sat down to watch it I was thinking to myself, "fucking hell! 90 minutes in one room?"

SILLY Louis!

I should have known better than to think that. The characters in this movie are so interesting and well-acted that it just makes the time fly-by, and you find yourself entirely immersed by this tripod of conflict as it bounces from one character to another.

Visionary stuff from a visionary director. If you value well-executed drama then this is the very embodiement of that.

Air is Fair

2006-07-05T15:28:11Z

Hmm. Funny day. Not so much in the comedic sense, mind you.

Went out for a drive at 3am. Met a girl. We sat in a field until the sun came up. When I dropped her off we argued. I wYoent home. Got 3 hours sleep. Woke up feeling like I was dying. I think it was the dream I had. One of those lucid dreams where what you feel in the dream transcends thought and effects how you're feeling in reality. Can't remember the dream itself, though. Just how I felt in it. I was searching my ass off for jobs today. I must have left a CV (resume) with about 14000 different places. In a lucky twist, however, I managed to get an interview with PC World, and I've wanted to work there for AAAAGES!!!11 mainly because:

You get hardly anyone in the store.
The air conditiong in there is fucking awesome.
And, I know a shit-load about computers, so I wont be entirely out of place.

Friday's the interview. I'm hoping all goes well. Apparently there's a test. I'm hoping it'll be something retarded like...
If a customer asks you for help do you,
A) offer them assistance
B) punch them in the face
C) ignore them because you're drunk anyway
D) all of the above

Although, I'll probably completely ignore the question and answer (H anyway.

Mawnin, sunshine

2006-07-04T23:41:51Z

I've created a new account dedicated to my poetry and general creative writing work because it felt messy bundling everything onto this blog. Do check it out:

POWITREE WAT IZ GUD!!11adarq (MawninSunshine.livejournal.com)

You're the one

2006-07-03T18:31:11Z

It’s where the birds lay still in a landfill called perception and only deception is descriptive of the connection we find when we rely on mankind to fuel us the ways and means of our hopes and dreams, but when all is done there are no teams, there are only individuals who exist for themselves with compassion residual. So go ahead and make a point to tell the person you hate how indifferent they are to the person you love, and we'll drink to anonymity as I stab your back and kiss your lips.

Zzzz

2006-07-03T06:55:24Z

It's 7 AM, and I'm tired. I'm sitting half way out the door to my garden wandering why I can't sleep longer. Don't have to wander for long, mind you, it's just because I wake up at the same time every morning, and I don't know why. I have this biological alarm clock which forces me to wake up between 7 and 8 AM.

What has Louis been up to recently? Hmmm... On Saturday I went to a rock venue to watch a few bands play. Said bands were not very good. And they were all wearing the same shoes. I couldn't help but notice this! Every member of every band which played seemed to be wearing 3 quarter length jeans and Vans skateboarding shoes. Even 80% of the crowd seemed to be dressed that way; I wasn't sure if there was some dress-code that had gone way over my head as I walked around in jeans and a flannel shirt. Drinks were REALLY cheap, though. So bonus there.

Yesterday I played football (soccer, that is) in the scorching heat. I'm pretty sure I suffered at least 4 or 5 strokes within the 90 minutes the game was played., and eventually the entire game just degenerated into people standing still and slowly kicking the ball backwards and forwards... Definately one for the fans!

I also finished a script I've been working on called The Zoo Keeper yesterday. It's a David Lynch-inspired short film about a zoo keeper called Sam Murphy who, after-hours one night, finds a mysterious figure called Adam and is told the world will end in 7 days. It's a vague description, yes, but to say anymore would spoil a lot of things, so I guess everyone will just have to wait for the film to be made, and then maybe you can see the significance of me keeping hush-hush about it.

hmmm

2006-07-01T13:47:02Z

"Did you get up on the wrong side?"
"Same side as always..."
"Yeah, that's my point!"

Points to anyone who gets the reference. Reminded me a lot of myself. Maybe I should try sleeping on the other side; might make me a bit more optimistic. Not sure what it is, though. I always end-up sleeping on the left side. Even if I try falling asleep on the right I'll wake up on the left.

Boring day. Sat in the sunshine for a little while, trying to work out what to do with my life; didn't think of anything. Big surprise there. I'm told I need to get a job. Funny thing is I'm happy living on scraps; sliding by from day to day, so I've no real desire to go out looking.

what a difference a day makes

2006-06-29T11:11:56Z

I find it scary how quickly people can change. Sometimes almost in an instant. Things seem fine, and then in the time it took you to ponder that they've turned unfine, and the shit has hit the fan; covering the walls and the windows in nothing but crap. I'm steadily growing more and more tired of people, to the point where strangers become more appealing than friends. The mystique of a stranger, free of ties and bonds, is far more tolerable than that of a confidant, because the more of yourself you invest in the latter the more difficult it becomes to handle them leaving or turning on you. Meanwhile if you just sat down next to a stranger, and told him or her all of your hopes and fears, and then a few hours later that stranger shook you by the hand and walked away forever, you'd feel better about that. You'd lose a weight from your brain. Like visiting a confessional, only you don't need to be religious, and you're not talking to a wooden panel.

stupid

2006-06-28T09:07:08Z

air freshner doesn't work. at all. it just combines itself with the original bad smell to create an all together worse smell. once sprayed it's no longer just a bad smell, but it's a smell which is actually now a danger to your health. a haze of chemical stink. who got off inventing this crap?

paid and made

2006-06-28T07:43:14Z

so, i upgraded to a paid account. mainly because i wanted to make my page look really fancy and stuff. and i was getting tired of that shitty refried paper theme. i'll probably never get round to making this page look half-decent, but, it's really nice to know i have the possibility, anyway. real nice.

Radiohead - "Amnesiac"

2006-06-28T07:07:27Z

i can't believe how i keep reading that a lot of people just consider this album a group of b-sides that didn't make it on the Kid-A album. this is far from that. this is far from sub-standard music of any variation. listening to Amnesiac is like listening to the audio equivelant of an epic drama film. it has the power to draw you in, subtly put you at peace, and then slap you straight across the fucking face and make you to pay attention. it'll repeat this process on you. a few times, in fact. until you've exhausted 80% of your emotional capacity.

my favourite track off the album is Pyramid Song. in fact, not just off the album, out of Radiohead's entire back catalogue, this is my favourite. and this is an incredible achievement, considering how many of their songs i absolutely love. it's just so bittersweet it becomes heart-wrenching, but in a manner so serene and peaceful you feel like you're listening to someone's heartfelt swan song. i heard the opening verse to the song:

i jumped in the river and what did I see?
black-eyed angels swimming with me

and i was just overcome by this desire to cry. i'm not sure what the fuck happened. i was fine before i heard those lyrics, but the gravity of them bore down on me like a truck falling from the sky, and i suddenly had this urge to just ball. in my opinion: an incredibly powerful song.

Pick up this album! it probably wont be for everyone, sure. but that applies to just about everything. so the least you can do is give it a try. ESPECIALLY if you're a radiohead fan. and DEFINATELY if you've heard, and loved, Kid A.

forgetting

2006-06-26T22:00:00Z

have you ever tried hard to force yourself to forget something or someone? it's tough, isn't it? just stuck in this constant state of subconcious denial, but trying hard to ignore it because you know you need to in order to feel better. yeah. it's not the best feeling.

This is a tester

2006-06-26T21:12:38Z

I'm just testing this kiddo out to see how it handles words and stuff. Ya know.